feeling the need to express my emotions... but not quite having the words to do justice to what I am feeling. I know it has been an incredibly long time since I posted last. I get caught up in how my writing will sound... whether it will flow smoothly and clearly... and end up not doing it at all. I finally determined that as long as I am sharing my heart, it doesn't really matter.
A whole lot has been going on lately. Wonderful, faith-building, risky, adventurous things. I don't think I would be capable of viewing it that way if I didn't trust in my Almighty God who has every aspect of our lives completely under control even when it seems most chaotic.
I won't go into a whole lot of details right now because my emotions today and for the past week or so have nothing to do with those details. All I will say is pray for our family as Cam searches for a job. He has been working so hard to secure something and has a couple really good leads. Despite the insecurity of the situation, we feel complete security and peace as our only choice is to rely on our LORD.
What has been heavy on my heart as of late is our dear sweet friends, Josh and Kristin Mott, preparing to move back home to Pennsylvania. A lot of you who read this know the situation, but for those of you who don't, here are the basics. Josh began having seizures last fall. After months of trying to figure out the cause, he was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumor. The tumor is inoperable because it is too intertwined with good tissue. He was given 2-3 years to live, and is currently undergoing chemo and radiation to put the tumor to sleep. They are heading back to Pennsylvania this Friday to spend as much time as possible with their family.
Part of my reason for blogging about this is because I have been praying constantly (quite literally). There have been few moments that have passed that they have not been on my heart. Despite my constant prayer, it just doesn't feel like enough. I feel so helpless. So I am asking for anyone reading this to please join me as I intercede for this precious family and my dear friends. If you are interested in following their journey, you can read their blog.
This goodbye is one I am not prepared to face. I believe in a Healer who is most capable of removing the tumor completely, therefore, my constant prayer is for complete healing. However, I do not know the plans the Lord has for the Motts. It is possible that, somehow, He may be glorified even more in Josh's death. It's hard for me to even type those words because I so desperately do not want that to be the direction it goes. But who am I to think I know any better?
The truth is, real and complete healing only happens when a child of God finally stands in the presence of the Lord.
Revelation 21:4-- "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Longing for that day more than ever.
