Let me just start off by saying... God is so good.
Do you ever have intense moments of clarity with God, then as time passes, you start wondering if you heard right? You keep living life, and those little doubts creep in making you think maybe you misheard or misunderstood.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I will be going to Haiti from June 29th-July 8th with a group of four others from our church. I can sense Satan trying to minimize the importance of this trip. When I start talking about it or thinking about it, I start thinking, "Why are you making such a big deal of this? It's just a ten-day trip. People are doing much bigger things than you are." All of this is true... yet so NOT all at the same time. ANYTHING God calls you to is a big deal... maybe not to everyone else, but if He asks you to do it, you can guarantee there is a reason...and I'm willing to bet a pretty darn good one!
I recently found out that an anonymous person has covered over half of my expenses! I have no idea who it is. All I know is, it was a complete affirmation that God did, in fact, whisper those words to me a few weeks ago.
On the right side of my blog, I have linked a page where you can donate to my trip. If you would like to help out, but would rather use mail, please e-mail me at krisnrodman@gmail.com, and I will send you my address.
I still need to raise $600-$800, so any donation is greatly appreciated! God has whispered to me and started showing me that He's got this. Each day, I have to choose not to stress over how it is all going to come together and trust that if He called me to it, He WILL be faithful.
Thank you for considering helping! Please pray, pray, pray for our team as we prepare-- that God will be glorified each step of the way.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Saying "Yes" to God
What is it that is so difficult about saying "Yes" to God? We know He loves us. We know He is looking out for us. He only wants what is best for us. So what's the problem?
One of my favorite quotes is by C.S. Lewis. He says, "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
Oh how true that statement is.
I am learning that saying "Yes" to God is very rarely the safe route. It is very rarely warm fuzzies that make us feel all nice and cozy. Actually, it is usually quite the opposite. It is usually something that takes us completely out of our comfort zones. Something that we feel we have absolutely no control over.
Saying "Yes" to God requires making a committment before you have all the details figured out. I wonder how many incredible experiences I have missed out on simply because I thought I needed to have it all figured out first. That is not faith, my friends.
I am no expert on faith. I give in to fear far more than I care to admit. Praise God for His grace and mercy in my moments (and there are many) of unbelief.
All of that being said, I am asking for support from my brothers and sisters with my "Yes, God" moment.
Sitting in our Women's Bible Study a few weeks ago, as we were discussing how fear prevents us from caring for those God has called us to love, I felt His gentle nudge. I heard His still, small voice whisper, "You are going to Haiti." Immediately, the "but Gods" started flowing. But God, how am I going to pay for that? But God, who will take care of my kids while Cameron is working? But God, I don't even know what kind of work they will be doing. Maybe it isn't something I'm good at... or even interested in. Two things God said to me in the midst of my "but Gods": 1) I've got this. 2) It's not about you.
Sigh of relief followed by OUCH.
So brothers and sisters, I ask, first for prayer. Often we use up every resource we can fathom before we fall on our knees and ask God to help. But prayer is the most effective tool we, as believers carry. "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." I hope there are some righteous men (and women) out there reading this... :)
I ask for you to consider helping me with finances. I don't have an exact dollar amount yet-- somewhere around the $1500 range. I will get those details once we know who all will be going.
So, I still don't know much, but I do know I'm going to Haiti from June 29th-July 8th. I don't know how we are going to pay for it. I don't know who is going to watch my kids. I don't know exactly what projects we will be doing.
I do know that God has asked me to follow His lead. I do know that I have the support of my husband and friends. I do know that God's got this in His more than capable hands.
Please join me in this adventure, and I truly do covet your prayers.
One of my favorite quotes is by C.S. Lewis. He says, "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
Oh how true that statement is.
I am learning that saying "Yes" to God is very rarely the safe route. It is very rarely warm fuzzies that make us feel all nice and cozy. Actually, it is usually quite the opposite. It is usually something that takes us completely out of our comfort zones. Something that we feel we have absolutely no control over.
Saying "Yes" to God requires making a committment before you have all the details figured out. I wonder how many incredible experiences I have missed out on simply because I thought I needed to have it all figured out first. That is not faith, my friends.
I am no expert on faith. I give in to fear far more than I care to admit. Praise God for His grace and mercy in my moments (and there are many) of unbelief.
All of that being said, I am asking for support from my brothers and sisters with my "Yes, God" moment.
Sitting in our Women's Bible Study a few weeks ago, as we were discussing how fear prevents us from caring for those God has called us to love, I felt His gentle nudge. I heard His still, small voice whisper, "You are going to Haiti." Immediately, the "but Gods" started flowing. But God, how am I going to pay for that? But God, who will take care of my kids while Cameron is working? But God, I don't even know what kind of work they will be doing. Maybe it isn't something I'm good at... or even interested in. Two things God said to me in the midst of my "but Gods": 1) I've got this. 2) It's not about you.
Sigh of relief followed by OUCH.
So brothers and sisters, I ask, first for prayer. Often we use up every resource we can fathom before we fall on our knees and ask God to help. But prayer is the most effective tool we, as believers carry. "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." I hope there are some righteous men (and women) out there reading this... :)
I ask for you to consider helping me with finances. I don't have an exact dollar amount yet-- somewhere around the $1500 range. I will get those details once we know who all will be going.
So, I still don't know much, but I do know I'm going to Haiti from June 29th-July 8th. I don't know how we are going to pay for it. I don't know who is going to watch my kids. I don't know exactly what projects we will be doing.
I do know that God has asked me to follow His lead. I do know that I have the support of my husband and friends. I do know that God's got this in His more than capable hands.
Please join me in this adventure, and I truly do covet your prayers.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Joel Stephen- Birth Story
Goodness, how time flies! My sweet Joel Stephen is already 6 1/2 months old. I feel like I just brought that tiny (tiny compared to now at least) baby home from the hospital. I really want to get his birth story in writing before life keeps passing me by and I forget some of those precious details.
Pregnancy this time around was rough. Everything went smoothly. I was healthy. Baby was healthy. No major complications. But morning sickness for 24ish weeks while taking care of two other kiddos is no small feat. Oh, and did I mention that my husband was in an intense summer session of classes during my second trimester? On top of all of that, my precious baby decided to drop about 2 months before due date leaving me in a LOT of pain for the rest of the pregnancy.
That being said, every ache, pain, and sleepless night was completely worth it. My due date was September 13th, and as with my other two, Joel decided he wanted to stay nice and cozy for an extra couple of days. The difference this time around was that I labored at home for almost 48 hours before anything was consistent enough to head to the hospital. I was so thankful to have my dad in town helping with the kids because I could barely walk by this point because of the pain mentioned above.
Wednesday night at midnight, I began having intense contractions. Cameron laughs at me because I refuse to wake him up unless I know it's time... so I was awake allllllllll night... in labor... and never woke him because, as I said, the contractions weren't close enough together yet. He stayed home from classes the next day because I was convinced that would be the day.
Nope.
I spent all Thursday and Thursday night having the same intense, painful contractions. So by this time, I'm going on over 24 hours of no sleep except when I could doze off here and there until the next round of contractions.
Random, but funny memory I don't want to forget: I decided to bake chocolate chip cookies. I guess to keep me distracted. I don't know. Anyway, I come out of the kitchen into the living room to sit down, and Cameron is conked out on one sofa, and my dad is asleep on the other sofa. It just struck me as funny considering I was the one in labor who hadn't slept for who knows how many nights. I guess it was part of all that nesting at the end.
Anyway.
Friday was the same deal. I had my doctor appointment that morning, and I was convinced I would have dilated quite a bit... I was only at 3cm. Somewhat discouraged, but at least something was happening. Around 8:30pm, things really started picking up. By 9:45pm, Cameron and I were headed to LeConte Medical Center to have our baby boy!
I called my best friend, Amy to tell her we were headed that way, and she said, "I'm on my way!" So wonderful to have a friend like that when family isn't close enough to be there with me. (Love you Amy!)
We arrived at the hospital and were sent to triage until the nurse got a hold of my doctor to decide if I was close enough to keep me there. Amy arrived during that time. Around 12:30am, I was getting settled into my room. Again, it was so wonderful to have Amy there. She was so awesome helping me through contractions while I squeezed Cameron's hand. I am so glad I had both of them there. Cameron and Amy had two totally different styles of support, both of which I needed, and I am so grateful to both of them.
By the time I was dilated to about 7 or 8, I started getting shaky and freezing. At this point, obviously, I was in a bit of pain, and contractions were coming very fast. Joel's heart rate was dropping because I was basically hyperventilating through contractions. So, I was put on oxygen for a while, and opted for the epidural.
I don't recall how long after I got the epidural before it was time, but had I known it was going to be such a short amount of time, I would have just pushed on through. (haha See what I did there?) So it was almost 3:30am, just three hours after getting into my room, and Dr. Anderson came in to check on me. I was at 10cm, but Joel was pretty high, and they wanted to see him drop down before they were going to have me push. Dr. Anderson asked me to just give a little push to see if anything happened. I barely did anything, and she said, "Whoa! Stop!" and everyone started getting into there respective places. One more push, and Joel Stephen was brought into this world.
I love being able to compare each of my kids' birth stories. Some similarities, and yet all so different. Regardless, each time I have been in just the right place, surrounded by just the right people. I am so thankful the Lord has blessed us with these three babies (and the two I have not met yet that were taken too soon). He has been so good to us, and every day that I watch these kids grow, I am absolutely amazed that He is allowing me to be a part of something so much bigger than myself.
Pregnancy this time around was rough. Everything went smoothly. I was healthy. Baby was healthy. No major complications. But morning sickness for 24ish weeks while taking care of two other kiddos is no small feat. Oh, and did I mention that my husband was in an intense summer session of classes during my second trimester? On top of all of that, my precious baby decided to drop about 2 months before due date leaving me in a LOT of pain for the rest of the pregnancy.
That being said, every ache, pain, and sleepless night was completely worth it. My due date was September 13th, and as with my other two, Joel decided he wanted to stay nice and cozy for an extra couple of days. The difference this time around was that I labored at home for almost 48 hours before anything was consistent enough to head to the hospital. I was so thankful to have my dad in town helping with the kids because I could barely walk by this point because of the pain mentioned above.
Wednesday night at midnight, I began having intense contractions. Cameron laughs at me because I refuse to wake him up unless I know it's time... so I was awake allllllllll night... in labor... and never woke him because, as I said, the contractions weren't close enough together yet. He stayed home from classes the next day because I was convinced that would be the day.
Nope.
I spent all Thursday and Thursday night having the same intense, painful contractions. So by this time, I'm going on over 24 hours of no sleep except when I could doze off here and there until the next round of contractions.
Random, but funny memory I don't want to forget: I decided to bake chocolate chip cookies. I guess to keep me distracted. I don't know. Anyway, I come out of the kitchen into the living room to sit down, and Cameron is conked out on one sofa, and my dad is asleep on the other sofa. It just struck me as funny considering I was the one in labor who hadn't slept for who knows how many nights. I guess it was part of all that nesting at the end.
Anyway.
Friday was the same deal. I had my doctor appointment that morning, and I was convinced I would have dilated quite a bit... I was only at 3cm. Somewhat discouraged, but at least something was happening. Around 8:30pm, things really started picking up. By 9:45pm, Cameron and I were headed to LeConte Medical Center to have our baby boy!
I called my best friend, Amy to tell her we were headed that way, and she said, "I'm on my way!" So wonderful to have a friend like that when family isn't close enough to be there with me. (Love you Amy!)
We arrived at the hospital and were sent to triage until the nurse got a hold of my doctor to decide if I was close enough to keep me there. Amy arrived during that time. Around 12:30am, I was getting settled into my room. Again, it was so wonderful to have Amy there. She was so awesome helping me through contractions while I squeezed Cameron's hand. I am so glad I had both of them there. Cameron and Amy had two totally different styles of support, both of which I needed, and I am so grateful to both of them.
By the time I was dilated to about 7 or 8, I started getting shaky and freezing. At this point, obviously, I was in a bit of pain, and contractions were coming very fast. Joel's heart rate was dropping because I was basically hyperventilating through contractions. So, I was put on oxygen for a while, and opted for the epidural.
I don't recall how long after I got the epidural before it was time, but had I known it was going to be such a short amount of time, I would have just pushed on through. (haha See what I did there?) So it was almost 3:30am, just three hours after getting into my room, and Dr. Anderson came in to check on me. I was at 10cm, but Joel was pretty high, and they wanted to see him drop down before they were going to have me push. Dr. Anderson asked me to just give a little push to see if anything happened. I barely did anything, and she said, "Whoa! Stop!" and everyone started getting into there respective places. One more push, and Joel Stephen was brought into this world.
I love being able to compare each of my kids' birth stories. Some similarities, and yet all so different. Regardless, each time I have been in just the right place, surrounded by just the right people. I am so thankful the Lord has blessed us with these three babies (and the two I have not met yet that were taken too soon). He has been so good to us, and every day that I watch these kids grow, I am absolutely amazed that He is allowing me to be a part of something so much bigger than myself.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Let's Be Real...
I have been mulling over this post for a few days now... mainly because I have been trying to determine how vulnerable I am willing to be. I feel like if I can put things in writing, it will help me work through emotions, and sometimes input from the outside world can comfort, encourage, put things in perspective, or help me see things in a different light.
So here goes...
I am a mommy. Obviously. Lately, I have been struggling with this. Not the fact that I am a mommy, but how to be a mommy. Joel will be six months old tomorrow. The time has flown in some ways, but in others, it has crept by oh so slowly. This transition (from two kiddos to three) has been extremely difficult for me. Most days I feel completely overwhelmed. My five-year-old has the attitude of a fifteen-year-old, my two-year-old is pushing every boundary set for him (as is typical for a two-year-old), and my infant needs me constantly (again, typical, I know.) It's all normal kid behavior... but man... some days, I just don't know how to do it. I struggled with anxiety quite a bit after Joel was born, much of it associated with breastfeeding even though there were really no issues as far as milk supply or latching on, etc. The anxiety led me to decide to wean him much earlier than I wanted to. Which leads to my next topic...
Guilt...
You know what I'm talking about. Guilt from yelling at my kids out of frustration. Guilt from turning the TV on all day just because that's the only way it seemed I could make it through. Guilt from wanting to leave the house ALONE for a change. Guilt that I didn't choose to look past my anxiety and keep nursing. The list goes on.
I have been reading Priscilla Shirer's Resolution for Women. It has been fantastic so far, and I highly recommend it to every woman out there! One section spoke about recognizing our own strengths and weaknesses and encouraging others in their strengths. Well, I've got the weaknesses down and probably amplified, but I truly could not figure out what my strengths are. I am not posing this thought as a way to fish for compliments... that was part of my fear in sharing this, but I wonder how many of us live life thinking we are so messed up that no one could possibly see the good we offer... I know that is how I am living right now. I don't want to be living that way.
Ok... after all of that, let me just say... I adore my children. I really do. Jenna is seriously the funniest girl I know. She is so strong and determined (hence MY frustration). She loves so deeply. I really believe she is going to be an incredible leader one day. Josiah is my gentle spirit. He is sensitive. He is a momma's boy right now, and I'll take it! He already exhibits empathy towards others. He loves and needs to be loved. My sweet sweet Joel. He has stolen my heart just as much as my other two have. His smile brightens my day. His giggles and jabbers are the sweetest sounds. He is calm and happy most of the time.
I love them so much. And I believe that is my "problem." I love them so much I want to make the right decision EVERY time for them. I love them so much I NEVER want to hurt them. I love them so much I want to be here WHENEVER they need me.
I love them so much... and it breaks my heart to pieces knowing I can never do all of those things. I cannot be that person who will ALWAYS make the right choice... who will NEVER leave them aching... who will be here EVERY time they need me.
Only one person can do those things to perfection, and He is the one I must point them to. He is the one I must lean on when I am weak... and let them see that.
So how do you deal with guilt that you just can seem to shake? How do you keep yourself from allowing guilt to creep in and steal your joy? This is not rhetorical! I would love to hear how others handle this battle.
Please share with me and let's encourage one another in this crazy journey because I know I sure can't do it alone!
So here goes...
I am a mommy. Obviously. Lately, I have been struggling with this. Not the fact that I am a mommy, but how to be a mommy. Joel will be six months old tomorrow. The time has flown in some ways, but in others, it has crept by oh so slowly. This transition (from two kiddos to three) has been extremely difficult for me. Most days I feel completely overwhelmed. My five-year-old has the attitude of a fifteen-year-old, my two-year-old is pushing every boundary set for him (as is typical for a two-year-old), and my infant needs me constantly (again, typical, I know.) It's all normal kid behavior... but man... some days, I just don't know how to do it. I struggled with anxiety quite a bit after Joel was born, much of it associated with breastfeeding even though there were really no issues as far as milk supply or latching on, etc. The anxiety led me to decide to wean him much earlier than I wanted to. Which leads to my next topic...
Guilt...
You know what I'm talking about. Guilt from yelling at my kids out of frustration. Guilt from turning the TV on all day just because that's the only way it seemed I could make it through. Guilt from wanting to leave the house ALONE for a change. Guilt that I didn't choose to look past my anxiety and keep nursing. The list goes on.
I have been reading Priscilla Shirer's Resolution for Women. It has been fantastic so far, and I highly recommend it to every woman out there! One section spoke about recognizing our own strengths and weaknesses and encouraging others in their strengths. Well, I've got the weaknesses down and probably amplified, but I truly could not figure out what my strengths are. I am not posing this thought as a way to fish for compliments... that was part of my fear in sharing this, but I wonder how many of us live life thinking we are so messed up that no one could possibly see the good we offer... I know that is how I am living right now. I don't want to be living that way.
Ok... after all of that, let me just say... I adore my children. I really do. Jenna is seriously the funniest girl I know. She is so strong and determined (hence MY frustration). She loves so deeply. I really believe she is going to be an incredible leader one day. Josiah is my gentle spirit. He is sensitive. He is a momma's boy right now, and I'll take it! He already exhibits empathy towards others. He loves and needs to be loved. My sweet sweet Joel. He has stolen my heart just as much as my other two have. His smile brightens my day. His giggles and jabbers are the sweetest sounds. He is calm and happy most of the time.
I love them so much. And I believe that is my "problem." I love them so much I want to make the right decision EVERY time for them. I love them so much I NEVER want to hurt them. I love them so much I want to be here WHENEVER they need me.
I love them so much... and it breaks my heart to pieces knowing I can never do all of those things. I cannot be that person who will ALWAYS make the right choice... who will NEVER leave them aching... who will be here EVERY time they need me.
Only one person can do those things to perfection, and He is the one I must point them to. He is the one I must lean on when I am weak... and let them see that.
So how do you deal with guilt that you just can seem to shake? How do you keep yourself from allowing guilt to creep in and steal your joy? This is not rhetorical! I would love to hear how others handle this battle.
Please share with me and let's encourage one another in this crazy journey because I know I sure can't do it alone!
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