feeling the need to express my emotions... but not quite having the words to do justice to what I am feeling. I know it has been an incredibly long time since I posted last. I get caught up in how my writing will sound... whether it will flow smoothly and clearly... and end up not doing it at all. I finally determined that as long as I am sharing my heart, it doesn't really matter.
A whole lot has been going on lately. Wonderful, faith-building, risky, adventurous things. I don't think I would be capable of viewing it that way if I didn't trust in my Almighty God who has every aspect of our lives completely under control even when it seems most chaotic.
I won't go into a whole lot of details right now because my emotions today and for the past week or so have nothing to do with those details. All I will say is pray for our family as Cam searches for a job. He has been working so hard to secure something and has a couple really good leads. Despite the insecurity of the situation, we feel complete security and peace as our only choice is to rely on our LORD.
What has been heavy on my heart as of late is our dear sweet friends, Josh and Kristin Mott, preparing to move back home to Pennsylvania. A lot of you who read this know the situation, but for those of you who don't, here are the basics. Josh began having seizures last fall. After months of trying to figure out the cause, he was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumor. The tumor is inoperable because it is too intertwined with good tissue. He was given 2-3 years to live, and is currently undergoing chemo and radiation to put the tumor to sleep. They are heading back to Pennsylvania this Friday to spend as much time as possible with their family.
Part of my reason for blogging about this is because I have been praying constantly (quite literally). There have been few moments that have passed that they have not been on my heart. Despite my constant prayer, it just doesn't feel like enough. I feel so helpless. So I am asking for anyone reading this to please join me as I intercede for this precious family and my dear friends. If you are interested in following their journey, you can read their blog.
This goodbye is one I am not prepared to face. I believe in a Healer who is most capable of removing the tumor completely, therefore, my constant prayer is for complete healing. However, I do not know the plans the Lord has for the Motts. It is possible that, somehow, He may be glorified even more in Josh's death. It's hard for me to even type those words because I so desperately do not want that to be the direction it goes. But who am I to think I know any better?
The truth is, real and complete healing only happens when a child of God finally stands in the presence of the Lord.
Revelation 21:4-- "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Longing for that day more than ever.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Trust
Well, it's been a little while... I've had quite a bit to blog about just no motivation to sit down and do it. I've been learning a whole lot about trust lately. For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, you have been seeing my updates about life in the Rodman household.
Trust lesson #1: Cameron did not get the job we were hoping for. Because I am a stay-at-home mom, our family relies on his income. He is an incredibly hard worker, very talented at what he does, willing and able to learn anything he does not know already, etc., and yet he still cannot get hired into a higher position. He has had multiple interviews and was called back to a 2nd interview this last time. Every time they say he had an excellent interview, that it came down to him and one or two other people, but they decided to choose the one who has had more experience. Ok, I get that... but we're just ready for someone out there to give him a chance, you know? He would be excellent at whatever he is asked to do.
Anyway, lots of lessons tied up under this one really: a) Trusting God with our finances-- knowing that He will (and already continually does) provide for our family. Somehow, we always wind up with extra money to put into savings at the end of each month. Praise God! b) Trusting God with our future-- we want to be up closer to family, and we still feel that God is pulling us in that direction, but we have to let go and know that His timing is absolutely perfect.
Big lesson #2 on trust: Our car accident. Wow. God was definitely good to us.
It had started snowing quite steadily on Sunday. Cameron got off work early, and we decided to head on up to my mom and dad's for the night. The roads were not terrible, and we are used to driving in snow, but we ended up having to take a detour on some country roads. We were coming up on a stop sign, and all I know is I saw it coming... and coming... and we were not slowing down. Cameron said, "Hold on," and all I could think about in that split second were my babies in the back. We went down into a ditch and up into a bank on the other side of the ditch. I began freaking out but not for myself... you momma's out there know exactly where your head and heart would be-- it was only a matter of seconds and I was back hugging and kissing on my crying babies. Oh my... I have never felt so much love for them than in that moment. We prayed immediately after, thanking God for keeping us safe. While Cameron was assessing the damage and making phone calls, I was keeping Jenna and Josiah company. I hugged Jenna and told her I was so glad God had kept all of us safe. She said, "He was holding the car in His hands." How right she was.
Well, we are praising God for keeping us safe, but as I stated a few paragraphs above, we are a family of 4 on 1 not-so-large income, and now we have to fork out money to fix our van. Insurance is covering most of the damage, but we still have quite large deductible to pay. Thankfully, a year ago we got out of debt and have our 3-6 months worth of income in savings, so this does not feel like such a financial emergency. Still, it's frustrating... but we are trusting God, once again, to provide exactly what we need. We are so thankful that the van wasn't totaled.
So anyway... I know this is long. That's what happens when I take a break from blogging, I guess. :) God has been good and gracious to us, as He always is, and He is teaching me new things every day. That in itself is grace-- that He continues to teach me when I continually don't get it!
Psalm 9:9-11
9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
10 Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
11 Sing the praises of the LORD, enthroned in Zion;
proclaim among the nations what he has done.
Trust lesson #1: Cameron did not get the job we were hoping for. Because I am a stay-at-home mom, our family relies on his income. He is an incredibly hard worker, very talented at what he does, willing and able to learn anything he does not know already, etc., and yet he still cannot get hired into a higher position. He has had multiple interviews and was called back to a 2nd interview this last time. Every time they say he had an excellent interview, that it came down to him and one or two other people, but they decided to choose the one who has had more experience. Ok, I get that... but we're just ready for someone out there to give him a chance, you know? He would be excellent at whatever he is asked to do.
Anyway, lots of lessons tied up under this one really: a) Trusting God with our finances-- knowing that He will (and already continually does) provide for our family. Somehow, we always wind up with extra money to put into savings at the end of each month. Praise God! b) Trusting God with our future-- we want to be up closer to family, and we still feel that God is pulling us in that direction, but we have to let go and know that His timing is absolutely perfect.
Big lesson #2 on trust: Our car accident. Wow. God was definitely good to us.
It had started snowing quite steadily on Sunday. Cameron got off work early, and we decided to head on up to my mom and dad's for the night. The roads were not terrible, and we are used to driving in snow, but we ended up having to take a detour on some country roads. We were coming up on a stop sign, and all I know is I saw it coming... and coming... and we were not slowing down. Cameron said, "Hold on," and all I could think about in that split second were my babies in the back. We went down into a ditch and up into a bank on the other side of the ditch. I began freaking out but not for myself... you momma's out there know exactly where your head and heart would be-- it was only a matter of seconds and I was back hugging and kissing on my crying babies. Oh my... I have never felt so much love for them than in that moment. We prayed immediately after, thanking God for keeping us safe. While Cameron was assessing the damage and making phone calls, I was keeping Jenna and Josiah company. I hugged Jenna and told her I was so glad God had kept all of us safe. She said, "He was holding the car in His hands." How right she was.
Well, we are praising God for keeping us safe, but as I stated a few paragraphs above, we are a family of 4 on 1 not-so-large income, and now we have to fork out money to fix our van. Insurance is covering most of the damage, but we still have quite large deductible to pay. Thankfully, a year ago we got out of debt and have our 3-6 months worth of income in savings, so this does not feel like such a financial emergency. Still, it's frustrating... but we are trusting God, once again, to provide exactly what we need. We are so thankful that the van wasn't totaled.
So anyway... I know this is long. That's what happens when I take a break from blogging, I guess. :) God has been good and gracious to us, as He always is, and He is teaching me new things every day. That in itself is grace-- that He continues to teach me when I continually don't get it!
Psalm 9:9-11
9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
10 Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
11 Sing the praises of the LORD, enthroned in Zion;
proclaim among the nations what he has done.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Grandma's Sweet Potatoes
Here is a family recipe for a sweet potato casserole. This is much better than those recipes with marshmallows on top (in my family's opinion and those who have been brave enough to venture away from the marsmallows!) :)
Ingredients
1 large can yams (2lbs)
1 stick of butter
Flour
Brown sugar
Directions
Heat oven to 350*
Melt butter in oven in 9x9 baking dish. Meanwhile, drain yams but SAVE THE JUICE.
Place flour in large ziploc or bowl and coat yams. When butter is completely melted, roll coated yams in butter and arrange in dish. Pour saved juice over top and sprinkle with as much brown sugar as you like! Bake until thick and bubbly. (Usually about an hour-- sometimes a little longer).
There you have it! The best sweet potatoes ever!
Check out Sandra's page for more yummy recipes!
Ingredients
1 large can yams (2lbs)
1 stick of butter
Flour
Brown sugar
Directions
Heat oven to 350*
Melt butter in oven in 9x9 baking dish. Meanwhile, drain yams but SAVE THE JUICE.
Place flour in large ziploc or bowl and coat yams. When butter is completely melted, roll coated yams in butter and arrange in dish. Pour saved juice over top and sprinkle with as much brown sugar as you like! Bake until thick and bubbly. (Usually about an hour-- sometimes a little longer).
There you have it! The best sweet potatoes ever!
Check out Sandra's page for more yummy recipes!
Monday, November 29, 2010
It's a beautiful sunny, fall day today. Chilly but will probably go on a nice walk later.
Things that make me happy:
Watching White Christmas with a nice hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate.
Book I'm reading:
Get Out of that Pit by Beth Moore and rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows since I just saw part 1.
What's on my TV today:
At the moment... Care Bears. Hopefully some Christmas movies later.
On the menu for dinner:
Haven't decided yet... need to do some menu planning.
On my To Do List:
2 loads of laundry
Dishes
Menu Planning
New Recipe I tried or want to try soon:
Sweet Potato Pie
I want to start working on some crocheted Christmas decorations.
Looking forward to this week:
Hopefully putting up our little Christmas tree and baking some Christmas cookies with Jenna.
Tips and Tricks:
Listen to those little nudges from God throughout the day-- i.e. When Josiah wakes up early from a nap and I want to just stick a pacifier in his mouth, sometimes God will say to me, "Hold your baby."
My favorite blog post this week:
No blog reading yet
Blog Hopping (a new discovered blog you would like to share with the readers):
Diary of a Stay at Home Mom
No words needed (favorite photo or picture, yours or others you want to share):
Having trouble uploading-- I'll do this part later.
Lesson learned the past few days:
I can't do it all.
On my mind:
Where we will be moving-- Cameron will be finding out this week if he got the job in Zionsville, IN. We are stressing over finding a place to live that is within our means but still feels like a home. We could use prayer.
Devotionals, Scripture Reading, Key Verses:
"I lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you-- the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep your from all harm-- he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
-- Psalm 121 (emphasis mine)
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
To have the faith
my daughter has... how I wish I did. Practicing Jenna's Sunday School memory verse reminded me how small my faith is: "My God will meet all your needs." Philippians 4:19. What a simple concept! I am amazed at the faith of a child. Jenna is beginning to hit that age where fear sets in-- fear of the dark, fear of spiders (now where could she have POSSIBLY gotten that?), fear of unfamiliar noises, etc. But can I tell you what puts her at ease? Reminding her that God is taking care of her and saying a prayer with her. I've taught her to pray any time she feels even a little bit afraid... to pray that God would take away the fear and protect her. OK... I can teach it, right? So why can't I put it into practice? Maybe it's because I recognize things in this world that cause fear... things to which she has not yet been introduced. I don't know, though... I'm fairly certain we are all called to have faith like a child regardless of what we know or experience in this world.
A verse that has often helped me through fearful times is 1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." It is a reminder to me that with God's presence surrounding me, there is no room for fear. If I am allowing fear to overtake me, most likely I am not allowing God to have full control of my heart.
I know my post yesterday was one that came from frustration, and I know it is OK to feel and express that frustration. However, since writing that post, I have felt so thankful, so blessed, and so in love with the life that I have right now. God truly is meeting all of our needs. I am constantly amazed at the end of each month, how God has provided for us. Cameron doesn't make a ton of money, but somehow, we end up with extra to put into savings. I most definitely do not want to take credit for that. It *shouldn't* be happening, but it is. I have a teeny tiny home... but I have a roof over my head. Our fridge is about 3/4 empty at the moment, but at least we have something to eat even if it is cereal and grilled cheese sandwiches. My daughter is currently driving me up the wall, but she is rambunctious, healthy, and full of LIFE!
God is so good. I am grateful for the freedom to express those frustrations, but even more so to be able to look past them and recognize that with each frustration, there is something to be thankful for.
A verse that has often helped me through fearful times is 1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." It is a reminder to me that with God's presence surrounding me, there is no room for fear. If I am allowing fear to overtake me, most likely I am not allowing God to have full control of my heart.
I know my post yesterday was one that came from frustration, and I know it is OK to feel and express that frustration. However, since writing that post, I have felt so thankful, so blessed, and so in love with the life that I have right now. God truly is meeting all of our needs. I am constantly amazed at the end of each month, how God has provided for us. Cameron doesn't make a ton of money, but somehow, we end up with extra to put into savings. I most definitely do not want to take credit for that. It *shouldn't* be happening, but it is. I have a teeny tiny home... but I have a roof over my head. Our fridge is about 3/4 empty at the moment, but at least we have something to eat even if it is cereal and grilled cheese sandwiches. My daughter is currently driving me up the wall, but she is rambunctious, healthy, and full of LIFE!
God is so good. I am grateful for the freedom to express those frustrations, but even more so to be able to look past them and recognize that with each frustration, there is something to be thankful for.
Monday, November 8, 2010
grrr...
i would absolutely love to post something positive and encouraging, but to be quite honest, it's been a frustrating and discouraging few days. i'm struggling with my parenting. i'm amazed at how quickly my temper flares up with my daughter. i love her so much, but i feel like the last week or so has been nothing but frustration for both of us. i know this is normal. in a way, it helps to know that... and in a way, it does no good at all because i know that the way i treat my daughter in my anger is unacceptable and needs to be changed. if anyone could offer any discipline advice/techniques for a feisty 3-year-old, i could really use some creative ideas.
anyway... sorry for the discouraging note today. well, no i'm not. this is me. you get the good and the bad. :)
today i'm thankful for grace... and desire to show it as much as i receive it. praise God for 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc. chances...
anyway... sorry for the discouraging note today. well, no i'm not. this is me. you get the good and the bad. :)
today i'm thankful for grace... and desire to show it as much as i receive it. praise God for 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc. chances...
Friday, November 5, 2010
Priorities
I think I speak for most mommies when I say this... we get so caught up sometimes in the "stuff" that needs to get done that we can forget when to stop and really savor the precious moments we have with our little ones. I'm trying to get better about that... it can be so easy to just keep on getting work done when Jenna comes to me and says, "Can I sit on you?" How often have I answered, "Not right now, honey" when I need to stop what I'm doing and sit down and cuddle with her.
A friend of mine posted this on her blog, and I really wanted to share it because it hit home for me. I think I need to frame it so I can be reminded of what really matters every day.
A friend of mine posted this on her blog, and I really wanted to share it because it hit home for me. I think I need to frame it so I can be reminded of what really matters every day.
Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullaby, rockabye, lullaby loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peek-a-boo
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullaby, rockaby lullaby loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
-- Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
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