As I have struggled through this miscarriage, I have received a lot of messages about how I am handling it with such strength and courage. For those of you who have offered such words of encouragement, THANK YOU! Those messages have come at some of my weakest moments. Those words, at just the right time, gave me exactly what I needed.
While my status updates and blog may seem so strong, I can't even describe the conflict that wages war in my mind each day-- the constant struggle between bitterness, anger, and resentment and truth, joy, and love.
The fact is I hurt... deeply. I am angry-- often. I don't want to talk about pregnancy-- at all. I still feel like I am on a rollercoaster. I don't want to push my feelings to the side, yet I don't want to wallow in self pity either.
I have discovered a few things that have helped immensely:
1) The Word- when I start thinking negative thoughts-- angry and bitter thoughts-- I seek Truth and encouragement from God's Word. 2) Serving-- specifically crocheting baby gifts for dear friends who are expecting or have just delivered. 3) Making a conscious effort to ask how others are doing.
It's not easy, and I give in to my selfish thoughts more often than I care to admit. Thank the Lord for His grace and mercy.
This world-- this life-- is so much bigger than me. The ways in which God chooses to move are so far beyond me.
In short--
It's not about me.
Philippians 2:13 “It is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”
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